Twenty-Five before Twenty-Five

Do you ever have those days when you second guess every decision you’ve ever made? Do you question your choices for the future? Do you wonder if, and when, you may achieve certain goals you’ve set yourself? Do you often stay awake thinking about every possible misstep you may have made, every mistake, every forgotten opportunity, how time is ticking away and before you know it you're 80 and have accomplished nothing you wanted to in this life? Oops, that last one might just be a tad bit specific to me...

I am a worrier. Always have been, and probably always will be. I will think out every given situation that could arise out of something and then worry myself into a stupor. I've re-thought every scenario I've lived through and the way I could've improved the situation in hindsight. I archive every event and accomplishment in my life in a scrapbook to document my every move, and for fear, I may one day forget it. I second-guess every decision I have made, and have to make because I worry about making the wrong choice, or taking a wrong turn. Basically, I live my life in constant fear of that one Doctor Who episode in season 4, 'Turn Left', where Donna makes one wrong turn and the whole world implodes. Of course, I don't think anything that drastic would ever happen to me, but my life could easily go so wrong from one miscalculation, and that thought TERRIFIES me. Overall, I am so concerned with the future that I make myself a nervous wreck.

I am actively trying to rid myself of this behaviour because as the saying goes, 'worrying only means you suffer twice,' and I really wish I could live in the moment more.

One way that I've tried to settle my overactive imagination is to create a '25 before 25' list. This list does what it says on the tin, it's a list of 25 things I want to accomplish before I'm 25 years old. I am 21 years old at the moment, and there's a lot on my bucket list, but I have this ridiculous notion in my head that I can only be successful while I'm young. It's not the right mindset to have, I know that, but if I could tick off a lot of what's on my list by 25, I would've lived an accomplished life very early on (and then maybe my brain will stop working over time) and I can settle a lot of my fears of failing.

Writing this list made me literally breathe a sigh of relief. It's like I could suddenly see my life mapped out and I was excited for it, not scared. It has set my priorities straight in my mind and allowed me to focus in on what I would like to accomplish before I am 25.

So, let me introduce you to the 25 things I hope to have achieved by the time I am 25. It's a list that mainly revolves around career goals, but there are a few leisurely ones that I want to have experienced too. Whatever I haven't done by 25, I will revisit in a 30 before 30 list, but fingers crossed, with a lot of hard work and dedication (the likes of which these goals need a lot of) I can accomplish them in the 4 years I've set myself.

1. Write and Publish a fiction novel.

This has always been my biggest goal in life, ever since I was six years old and fell in love with reading and writing. My plan is to finish my novel manuscript this year and then have three years attempting to get it seen, commissioned, and eventually published. I want to go the traditional route where publishing is concerned and I'd love to have my very own work of fiction on bookshelves by the time I'm 25. My work usually follows the magic realism/fantasy genre.

2. Write and Publish a poetry collection.

This is a goal that has developed only over the past three years or so, ever since I started University and began studying writing poetry. I fell in love with the concept of poetry and when I started to get poetry published in anthologies, I knew that I wanted my very own collection one day. You need around 60+ poems for a collection and I'm a third of the way to completion already. I hope to be done by the end of the year and then have those three years to find a publisher who will have me. I know poetry can be much harder to get published due to limited public appetite, but it's something I would love to accomplish. My poetry steers much more towards traditional poetry than modern poetry styles, as I utilise language techniques and different structures such as the sonnet or villanelle, as well putting to use everything I've learned from my course.

3. Move out into your own flat and decorate it.

This is such a big dream of mine and something I would love sooner rather than later. I still live at home at the moment and I am always daydreaming about the day I have my own little home to decorate however I want. I plan vision boards around it, colour schemes, screenshot inspiration, imagine everything from my cutlery to my couch, etc. My sisters both moved out quite young (18 and 20) but since both of them rented, they have advised me to just stay at home that year or two longer in order to save and buy outright. I was hoping to move out by next September, but if I take their advice, I'm hoping that it will be before I'm 25 at the latest. To be a homeowner at 25 would be amazing! My ideas at the moment are a very light purple and white living room, a vintage bedroom of red/gold and mahogany, a themed bathroom- possibly Hawaiian, and a black, white and red kitchen with a Disney theme (I've seen the perfect cutlery for this). My ideas may change before then and I may have decided to rent, but whatever the case, I hope I have moved out and live in a space decorated by moi.

4. Achieved a PGCE qualification.

This September, I start my PGCE teacher training course. The course is a year-long, meaning that this goal is one I can count on completing before I'm 25, and that's a very comforting thought in such an uncertain and constantly changing world. So, by the time I am 25, I will hold two degrees in my hand (possibly more?) and be a qualified English teacher, qualified to teach in any country that I want.

5. Have a Master’s Degree (or be working on it).

I wanted to start my master's degree straight from my bachelor's degree but I could not decide on what course I wanted to do (ranging from Shakespeare Studies MA to a Creative Writing MA) so I thought it would be best to put it off for a year to make a concrete decision, as opposed to rushing into a degree I wasn't certain on. In my year off I have been working and writing, and then the teaching degree came my way and it was an opportunity I could not pass up. I will finish my PGCE in 2021, and then I have a couple of years to start and complete my Master's. It would be amazing if by 25 I have three degree's: BA, PGCE and MA, but hopefully, if I haven't achieved it yet, I'm in the midst of working on it.

6. Be a full-time English Teacher.

From my PGCE I have already been guaranteed a position as a teacher at my chosen school, but if I don't end up teaching there, I will have the qualification and experience for my CV to apply for another job. English is my specialised subject, so hopefully, by the time I am 25, I will be an English teacher at a Secondary school and loving it as my full-time job (while still pursuing my other passions and career goals too).

7. Holidayed to Disney World, Florida (again).

If you know me, you'll know that I am Disney- MAD. I could tell you any obscure fact about Disney, I've seen all of the films, learned all of the songs, know all about Walt Disney's history, and will well up just at the first notes of a Disney song, seeing the Disney logo, or watching any given film. I. Love. Disney. My family and I went to Disney World, Florida when I was 8 years old, and I've been itching to go back ever since. The Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Universal Studios, Blizzard Beach, Hollywood studios, all of it. It's a holiday I will happily save, and save for, just to go for two weeks and live my best Disney life. Eating the best food, seeing the characters, going on the rides, buying the merchandise, taking the monorail, watching the shows, all of it! I'd go tomorrow if I could. I hope by the time I'm 25, I have been back to Disney World!

8. Travel, Travel, Travel!

I love travelling, all sorts of travelling. My friend and I went on our first solo holiday in 2019 together and it was the most fun we've ever had. That freedom to do what we wanted when we wanted, having no responsibilities, eating incredible cuisine, and dancing all night, oh my gosh, it was the best! We were planning to return this year but, of course, COVID-19 happened. I hope that by the time I'm 25 I can add a whole load of other places to my 'travelled' list, both summer holidays and tourist escapes. Some of these places include Italy, Paris, Iceland (to see the Northern Lights), Australia, Mexico, Amsterdam, returned to Portugal, etc. By 25, I hope to have broadened my mind through travel and have a lot of new experiences under my belt.

9. Be in a happy relationship, or at least have fallen in love.

Fun fact about me, I have never been in a long-term relationship and I've never been in love, ever. To be fair I don't get out that much to meet anyone and do keep to myself a lot so it's not like there's a lot of fish in my ocean. But by the time I'm 25 I do hope I am in a happy, love-filled relationship with someone who loves me for me, quirks and all. Or, if I'm not in a relationship, I hope that I have at least experienced falling in love, and done a few of those cliched romantic things like having a picnic in the park, camping under the stars, a candlelit dinner, etc (this is definitely the romantic novels in me talking). Surely, by 25 years old I would have experienced love at least once.

10. Written a full-length stage play.

Playwriting, as a medium, is one of my biggest passions. I adore the theatre and to have my own play make it to stage one day would be a dream come true. I can't say that I hope this happens by 25 because I know it's such a long, gruelling, and hard process to even make a reality, so this one stays in the logbook for a bit longer. Saying that however, I hope I have at least written a full-length play by 25 years old, then we can start talking about one day taking it to Edinburgh Fringe Festival and then maybe eventually the WestEnd where I could be cast as one of the principal roles (all BIG, BIG dreams I know).

This isn't going to happen before I'm 25, but one day I hope, it will be a reality. I've always wanted the chance to perform on stage at least once in my lifetime (I'm still very much invested in my teaching and writing career, however) but couldn't actively pursue it, but I think the perfect way to break into the industry is by writing myself the perfect role. I'd love to star in my own WestEnd play one day but it's definitely not something I see happening before I'm 25. I just need to get to writing before I'm 25 to someday make it so!

11. Still, making YouTube videos and maintaining this blog.

(possibly growing a small audience in the future)

I make Youtube videos and create blog posts as my online hobbies at the moment. I love making educational content on my Youtube Channel, as well as occasionally making videos surrounding my life, travelling, writing etc. I currently have an educational series on Sherlock Holmes, Shakespeare, Philosophy, and Theatre, and I have a lot of fun researching, scripting, filming and editing those. I also love the freedom this blog permits me to explore different writing styles and formats, as well as to practice my non-fiction writing muscle. I hope by 25 I'm still enjoying and keeping up with both of these hobbies, even if that's on the rarer side, and possibly have grown a small audience by then (although this aspect is much more out of my control, we'll see nonetheless).

12. Get a tattoo.

This is a big to-do me. I have always loved the idea of getting a meaningful tattoo and one day I'm definitely going to bite the bullet and get one. Even if that means getting one the day before I turn 25, I am going to get a tattoo before 25 years old. The question is figuring out what to get, and where to get it...

13. Grown in self-confidence and acceptance/be my ideal weight.

I've struggled with self-confidence and self-acceptance maybe since I was 14 years old. I was heavily bullied and even the slightest comment on my appearance would send me spiralling into self-hatred (even if it was a compliment). I've always struggled with thoughts of 'you're too big', 'you have awful skin', 'you are just an unattractive, worthless human with nothing to offer'. I must say these thoughts haven't been as bad in recent years. I discovered

the body positivity movement which helped me in accepting my 'curvy nature' more. I learned how to speak my mind, that my voice and opinion are warranted in discussions, and that I have every right to be heard and feel wanted and listened to. At first, my motto was 'fake it until you make it', and then I actually became what I was exuding.

However, some days are better than others, and I can't sit here and pretend I don't have bad days, or that I always love myself. I go through a lot of ups and downs regarding my image. I've recently decided that perhaps making a few lifestyle changes would make me feel better, and they definitely have! I exercise and get out of the house every day, I'm taking better care of what I put in my body, I switched to a better skincare routine. All of which is helping me to slow down, and take the time to show my body the love it deserves. I'm working on self-acceptance every day and hopefully, by 25 (with a fully developed brain), I will have grown to love every part of myself, and just be happy with who I am, inside and out. Overall, I hope I'm treating myself nicer.

14. Grow your social circle and be surrounded by great people.

At the moment, my social circle consists of my family, and my best friend. Don't get me wrong, my best friend and I will always be each other's no.1's. She is my travel companion, my dance partner, and just one of my favourite human beings who makes me laugh to no end. I could be very content with her and the close bonds I have with my family (sisters, cousins, parents etc) forever. However, through a new work environment, going out more to meet new people, and through advancing my writing and theatre career's, I would hope to meet loads of new people who eventually become friends to whom I love, and who love me in return. So, I hope by 25 I have a lot of new people in my life and we create a lot of fun memories together.

15. Learn French.

This will probably be on my bucket list forever because I'm so useless at languages. I would love to be fluent in French one day. I took it as a GCSE subject, tried Duolingo, and have spent hours on google translate, but it just doesn't stick (my pronunciation is awful as well because I can't roll my R's). However, (but probably wishful thinking) hopefully by the time I'm 25, I could have picked up a lot more to the point of being able to read whole passages of French and to hold a conversation in French (at least).

16. Complete a short story collection.

It's no surprise that my wanting to write a novel, poetry collection, and stage play should lead us here. I would love to have written a lot more short stories to the point of having enough to make up a collection. Much like with the stage play goal, I don't see this being published by the age of 25, but to have a lot more short stories created and written would be really impressive and a goal I can then pursue further, later down the line.

17. Be more involved in both the theatre and publishing industry.

This one is self-explanatory and goes along with other goals I've mentioned. By publishing a book I would have gained access to the publishing world, and hopefully, I could even witness the process of my book being printed.

The theatre industry route is a trickier subject, as I can't quite see my gateway right now. Perhaps it could be by publishing theatre reviews for a magazine, maybe from my theatre videos on YouTube, maybe by taking part in a voluntary programme, or maybe just by watching a hell of a lot more shows. I would just love, along with my teaching job, to be able to do work that involves the professional theatre world in some capacity.

However, you can see from my ramblings that this goal isn't as concrete as the others yet, but the gist is, by 25, I hope to be involved in the publishing industry and the theatre industry in some way or another.

18. Learn to cook. (my favourite meals)

I am not a cook. I'm not good at it. Every time I've attempted a meal, it just tastes- 'off', for lack of a better word. It never tastes like the delicious meals my mum makes (who is a bloody amazing cook). The only thing I can manage is toast (even that isn't great) and pancakes. Obviously, if I have moved out by 25 I will be making my own meals, so I need to brush up on my skills before that day comes. To be able to make some of my favourite meals like garlic chicken, smothered chicken, spaghetti bolognese, a lasagna, a pasta bake, etc. would be amazing, and every day I could look forward to a delicious meal made by my own hand. So, by 25, I hope I have brushed up on my cooking skills and be able to make my favourite dishes.

19. Learn to bake. (my favourite desserts)

This is more like no.18 part 2. Cooking, to me, is something that just seems gruelling and annoying, but I love the idea of baking. Granted I'm not good at this either, so I need to brush up on my baking skills too before I'm 25. I love the idea of baking scones on a Sunday morning, perfecting the gooey cookie, or whipping up a victoria sponge and delivering them to loved ones. I would love to be a good baker by the time I'm 25.

20. See more theatre shows.

Another quite self-explanatory goal. I have loved theatre since I saw Wicked at 13 years old, and it quickly became an obsession for me. Musicals and plays alike, from Les Mis to Jersey Boys, and from Shakespeare to Tucker Green, I adore it all. Considering one of my goals is to write and star in a play, you can see how much theatre has had an influence on both my personality and my dreams. At the age of 21, I've seen over 50 shows, and I just hope to see more and more and continue to experience the joys of the theatre as many times as possible.

21. Read all of the books on my bookshelf.

I am one of those people who have bookshelves full of unread books, and then goes out and buys new books. It's a real problem. I made it a goal this year not to buy any new books and just pick up those I do have. If I keep this up, hopefully, I will have read all of the books that I own by the time I'm 25. I'm fully aware while writing this that 25-year-old me is looking back saying, 'yeah we bought so many more books'. But I'm hoping we have read so many more of those we do have on the bookshelves.

22. Get your driving license and a car.

Okay, so I put off driving for so long because firstly, I always assumed I would get a job in London and never have a need for a car, and secondly, I'm scared shitless of driving. However, now I desperately need a car to get to my course with ease, and most likely, get to my job with ease, so, I need to take the plunge, get my driver's license, and buy a car. The buy a car part I'll happily do, I'm eyeing up a nice yellow beetle, BUT, the driving part terrifies me.

Firstly, I've never failed a test, and if I fail my theory or practical I can't say that anymore. Secondly, the idea of the gear stick confuses me, I don't understand it nor do I want to understand, that just looks like too much mental power to do while driving a VEHICLE. So, I decided if I need to learn how to drive, and if I need a car, I'll learn in an automatic, otherwise, I'll never get on the road. I never thought I'd have a fear of driving, and I don't know what has brought it on, but hopefully, by 25 years old I would have faced my fear, got my license, own a car, and be out on the open road.

23. Swim with dolphins.

I've wanted to do this for years. We were meant to do it in Florida when I was 8 but never got around to it. I'll also need to research the place to make sure the animals are well looked after because I'm very much into animal welfare and won't do anything to put them in danger, or support their entrapment/cruel conditions (ahem, Sea World, ahem). So, as long as I can swim with dolphins in an ethical way, I would love to tick this off my bucket list before 25 years old.

24. Hot air balloon ride

Another small thing I've always dreamed of doing. Escaping the confines of gravity and seeing the beauty of somewhere from high above, in the peace and stillness of the clouds sounds like perfection. Hopefully, it is something I can experience before I'm 25 because it just sounds like a dream.

25. Be Happy and Keep Dreaming

The last one is very vague but I just hope that I'm happy at 25. I hope I've achieved some level of success, that my mum is proud of me, that I'm surrounded by great people, that I have things to look forward to, that I have enough money to support myself and have an expandable wage, I hope I've seen more and done more, I hope I love my job, and I just hope that I'm happy.

There's so much I want to accomplish in my lifetime. I like to say that I have big dreams for someone so tiny. But I don't think any of my potential success would be worth it at the cost of my happiness and wellbeing, or without the love and support of family and friends. I want to live a happy AND successful life, full of memories and experiences that I can continue to scrapbook forever, filed away in the archives of my life.

So, there we have it. 25 things I would like to accomplish before I'm 25. I urge you to create your own list too for whatever milestone is next on the horizons for you. It's such a fun way to exercise your brain, sort out your priorities and goals, and begin to look forward to your future.

Signing off,

Bobbie May Corleys